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My journey through the dark night of the soul was filled with severe anxiety and the deepest, darkest depression I had ever experienced. There were many times, I felt like I just could not take anymore pain. It was as if I woke up one day in hell--and all I could see was the world's darkness--all of it, all at once. All the corruption, depravity, slavery, hate, murder, cruelty, rape, debauchery, narcissisms, lies and trickery, along with all of my own personal traumas surfacing for healing.

I remember being able to see through a lot of what was really going on in the world as a young child. But I was so confused as to why other people either didn't notice or (worse) were okay with it. I was told, "you cannot change the world...just accept it." Accept ugliness as normal. So I did what we all do to cope with living in lies--I created an ego identity that was different from my authentic Self. In this way, one does not have to truly expose oneself to a world that clearly cannot be trusted with vulnerable things. That ego self (with a small 's') did everything to overlook the broken-ness, pretending it did not exist. It was much too painful to look at. That ego self nearly destroyed the body and mind with drugs that made it easier to "look away" and blend in with an apathetic society. Wearing a Polyanna masque, like everyone else. Suffocating my soul, squelching my authentic Self (with a big "S"). With spiritual awakening often comes an ego death, which leaves one confused, lost, feeling alone. Nothing makes sense anymore, as we are finally admitting to our highest Self that most everything we've learnt up until now was part of the great illusion humanity has been lead to believe. Illusions like we are all separate; we are broken and not good enough; we ought just resign to lives of slavery, drudgery for eight hours in a cubicle doing something that we are not passionate about; or that the government has our best interests at heart. When one decides to stop buying into lies, nothing seems to make sense anymore, as the world is rife with terrible lies.( I am not referring to mother Gaia here--the planet is a beautiful, benevolent being. It is the human civilization that lives upon it, who has been hijacked by an ominous system of control.)

When I was struggling to work through shadows and traumas I picked up while under the spell of illusion, almost every second was painful. Healing is not easy, but in order to make a diamond, coal must heat to high temperatures.

The dark night of the soul served a very important purpose for me, but when I was in it, all I wanted was OUT. It was excruciatingly painful. I found that I could get reprieves of relief when doing yoga. The intense depression stole my joy of just about everything else. But when I was focusing on the flow, either by myself, taking a class or teaching in a class or working with students individually, I felt a sense of freedom, and I could finally breathe again. This was important information to find my purpose, thus rescuing myself out of the pit, and getting back into the light.

For those who are reading who are in the dark night of the soul--pay attention to what gives you reprieve from the suffering. It could be anything. Listen. Expand on it. This could be the most important information of your life.

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