There is nothing more important than being an anchor for the light in the world right now. I know that is who I am and I see that in you as well. We seem to be scattered about on mother Gaia, and I am so grateful for the internet uniting us! We speak the same language! We seem to be on the same timeline of Golden Age 5D consciousness. This is all I ever truly wanted as a child. I just could not understand how people were okay with the traumas, horrors and atrocities that I saw taking place on this beautiful planet. I squelched my light at a very young age when I realized, the world does not necessarily honor truth, or even wish to even try to understand someone who sees the world in a much different way than the mainstream culture. Seeing the absurdity of the actions of the powers behind the curtain, I learned to keep quiet about it at a tender age--to get along in society. To "be loved" by others, and keep the "peace." This denial of my authenticity fragmented my soul, creating anger and resentment over time, ultimately leading to a very dark night of the soul complete with suicidal depression and terrifying anxiety. I am no longer willing to protect or ignore "pink elephants in the living room". I will not sacrifice my integrity to protect lies ever again. That shadow behavior does not fit the timeline I am now on. If people drop of my radar because of that, I see that as a good thing. This is my platform and I get to say what I need to say on it. Anyone living a lie is not going to want to be in my world and that is quite alright. This makes room for my real authentic tribe, (I appreciate you so much!) which is what I am reining in at the moment thanks to the internet and shadow work!
I am a retiring victim. I had a childhood tainted with uncertainty, lack, violence, narcisistic abuse. I adopted the belief very early, that the world (including my own home) is not a safe place. I later formed another false belief after shutting down my heart (I actually felt my heart breaking in my chest at this moment in time), that my wants and needs did not matter and I had nothing of value to offer, and that I am in the way. Too much. Not enough. Never could get it right by society's standards and the horribly wounded people in it, including my parents (they did the best they could with the understanding they had from their own wounded hearts then) and partners. Growing up only knowing conditional love really robs us of pure amazing divine light. I remember what that kind of love felt like---it was before I was born, for sure. I long to bask in the freedom and utter joy of that love again--- in this lifetime. Attracting my tribe, aligning with others who share my values. Thank you, fellow Lightworkers, for all you do for humanity, including the things you were not aware of that you've done as Light beings for love. I have prayed and prayed to find my tribe! It has been a often lonely time in the dark night of the soul. It hit me hard when a friend of mine committed suicide. That was when I really decided I needed to throw away the façade and defense mechanisms that I felt protected my very highly sensitive self. Stop taking part in dumb-ass activities that are hurting myself, others and the planet. During the time of spiritual emergence I have been experiencing over the last three years, my higher self decided to thrust me deep into healing some pretty traumatic and terrorizing things I had kept hidden away for so many years. I have hugged my knees locked away in a dark room, sweating, sobbing uncontrollably, just wishing I could go back to my "normal" self. --haha! I was never normal for sure. The "black sheep". I suppose the normal I was longing for was that spaced-out Polyanna-ish apathy. It was a kind of false comfort. Krishnamurti said, " it is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society". And after taking the red pill, I see that it is no wonder I I am not "well-adjusted". I think that's another term for "brainwashed" in this context. I will always stand for truth. I will always question "authority." I will always rebel against tyranny. I am all too familiar with the abuse tactics narcisists use, and I cannot be fooled by the bullshit spewed out by the mainstream. I see right through it. Indeed I have always had this power to see through lies, and that power only strengthens the more I take my sovereignty as a divine being back.
I have to let you know, I have been "hiding" for quite some time, from the world. I developed a palpable terror of the world and what I was seeing at a young age. The ego developed and my heart closed and my armor was in place. A deep distrust in people also developed. Underneath this all, I was grieving. The cycle of expectation and disappointment I am weary of. I do not want to go through life anymore, feeling like I cant let my guard down and relax, and just be my authentic self with people. I know that in finding our tribe and breaking down society conditioning, we can transcend that hell. I am so ready to slowly open my heart again. This would be my greatest challenge right now. That is why I write these blogs. To open my heart, and share my light with you, and maybe, just maybe, my experience can help you too. Together, we are healing thousands of years of ancestral trauma, past life trauma and this-life trauma. For it is with us the cycle of abuse and depravity stops. We are on a new timeline now. I allow the loving light of the Universe to lead my actions, words, art and relationships. To me, this is the real divine path. The path of love.