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I predict 2020 will be the year of "right-seeing". Truth. 20-20 vision. Many of the illusions of society will be absolutely shattered. Difficult truths will be right in our faces--no longer can a person with a conscious ignore. If you think we uncovered some corruption in recent years, get ready, that isn't even the tip of the iceberg.

With so many people waking up all over the world, there will be a collective push for the truth. For far too long, humanity has been told massive lies about virtually everything. With so much fake going on, people are going to start demanding authenticity.

I see authenticity playing a tremendous role in the theme of this year in many ways. Starting with myself; I had been battling with severe anxiety, PTS and panic attacks while going through my 'dark night of the soul" (which I get into in another post). It was at the point where I was so exhausted and frustrated, as this way of being expends a TREMENDOUS amount of energy. I felt I was always running on empty. Another good analogy is the idea of driving down the freeway in first gear--INCREDIBLY taxing. In desperation as I flirted with my breaking point, I prayed to Source to tell me what to do, I was desperate for relief. Upon getting really quiet with myself, I heard that I needed my passion--my soul's mission to catch on fire (agni, or burning of desire, as it is called in the yogic tradition.) Through my focusing on giving my gift, my needs will finally be truly met, and this anxiety will leave me. This means, of course, that I simply MUST quit worrying about what ya'll think of me!

For my whole life, I truly believed there was something intrinsically wrong with me; that I was horribly flawed and never could I ever possibly be good enough. I felt deep shame about this true-to-me truth. I became a staunch perfectionist at quite an early age. I also felt a gnawing need to be different or 'special" (hence my goth and punk rock styles in my teens and early twenties.) I believed that if I wasn't perfect and special in some way in every single area of my life, then I was worthless. I always felt different, but I didn't want to be that kind of different. I wanted to decide for myself what kind of different I was to be. I needed control, because how I really was, wasn't good enough and was terribly flawed. I couldn't let the world see that.

But the more I wake up, the more I realize the truth is that we are ALL beautiful and gifted in such amazingly unique ways. And those authentic ways are INCREDIBLY beautiful and NOTHING is more beautiful than authenticity. I really let that toxic false belief steal so many wonderful things from my life. From my conversations with others, I see that I am not the only one who has suffered this very same poisonous belief that crushes the spirit. It runs rampant in the collective, and I believe it was placed there intentionally to fulfill a nefarious agenda. (It's okay if you think I'm a "conspiracy theorist"---I have learned to accept that.

So I realized, I had been avoiding my gifts I am meant to share on this planet, because of all this fear. I wasn't getting anywhere while ignoring my gifts and God-given passions. I was becoming more and more anxious each minute I denied my soul's mission. The fear was so piercingly loud, it became more and more difficult to hear my heart's own song, my intuition--the voice of Source.

When it comes right down to it, we all just want to be loved. Somewhere early on, I got the message that if I wasn't perfect and different from who I really was, and special in some mostly unattainable way, I would be abandoned, unloved, and literally left to die. Can you imagine the discomfort that comes from a belief such as that? I am starting to see just how cunning that false belief was, as I learn more, awaken more, and see that I am actually touching lives (you guy!).

I do not think I have known a greater pain than holding in my truth to protect myself from a false belief! That is really a *facepalm* moment--as that exact belief is what stole away much of my life energy. It is the ultimate fight between the dark and the light.

I prayed so hard, with such fervor and desperation that God wouldn't let the dark take me all the way down. With this bit of enlightenment, I see God has not abandon me and is coming through me, for me. For, I belong to the force of light and love and I always knew I was here to perform a mission on the light's behalf.

So with that, I cast my fears about what you think of me aside. Any trepidation about rejection, abandonment, judgment, scrutiny, persecutions, false projections, or even haltered of me for any reason is abolished from my mind from here on out. The force that turns embryos into babies has spoken to me and is leading the way. To carry out a mission. To create more light in an often dark world. To touch lives. And I am not in control. It co-creates through me. I must trust in the mission. I am ready to share my gift. Get ready to hear more from me, Luvs!

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